Setting Boundaries

Everyone’s talking about setting boundaries these days, saying stuff like “’No’ is a complete sentence,” and “Your agreement is optional.” And while we all know that good boundaries are important, it’s not always easy to tell whether yours are working for you.

If you’ve been struggling with that question – or wondering why you haven’t been – here are some clues to help you find the answer.

The Warning Signs

These five situations are all signs that you need stronger boundaries:

1. You tell yourself you’ll get to your needs later – but later never comes.
2. You’re more worried about other people’s opinions than your own.
3. You often make excuses for the way people treat you.
4. You’re making some pretty big sacrifices to “keep the peace”.
5. Certain people (or maybe just one person) can talk you into almost anything.

The biggest red flag, though, is how you’re feeling. Are you starting to wonder why you’re the making most of the sacrifices? If you don’t do something to change that, you could end up resenting the people closest to you. Is life starting to feel more like a list of chores than something to enjoy? Do you feel helpless to change things, even though it’s technically your life? People who don’t set good boundaries often end up feeling like victims AND DISSATISFIED WITH THEIR LIVES

Of course, it’s not always that dramatic.

You might have trouble with one person or one type of situation. You might struggle with how to express your boundary without offending someone – or apologizing for looking after yourself. You might not be sure whether it’s best to set a boundary or just go along this time. Or you might need some help getting past your emotions so you can do what you know you need to do.

A boundaries mentor can help you with these problems and more.

It’s important to understand that a mentor is simply a guide who has more knowledge or experience than you do. A boundaries mentor can help you to accomplish some important things:

1. Be clear about what you want and why you want it;
2. Understand the limits of your power – or discover power you didn’t know you had;
3. Choose a boundary that works for you;
4. Find the words to express that boundary gracefully; and
5. Decide how to respond when someone pushes back or ignores your boundary.

You may already be good at some of these things. For example, some people are clear on the first points but give up when people don’t respect their limits. Others know exactly what they need to do, but they feel overwhelmed by fear or guilt when they think about doing it. And you’d be surprised how many people think they can’t change things, until they finally realize how much power they actually have.

Sure, you need some courage to take that power back – but when you do, it feels amazing!

You stop resenting people for taking advantage of you – and become closer to the ones who treat you right. Most of the “takers” drop out of your life once they figure out you’ve stopped handing out freebies. You feel better about yourself, too. You start to see that you deserve as much as anyone else – and it’s OK to put yourself first sometimes.

While some people may not like the changes you’ve made, the good ones will respect you for it.

Setting boundaries can be hard. Having the support of someone who understands what you’re going through – and has the tools to help – can make all the difference.

If you’d like to learn more about how a boundaries mentor can help you, sign up for your free 20-minute call. Do it now, while you’re thinking about it. There’s no obligation, and no one will pressure you.

Isn’t it time you did something for yourself?